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I can sort of follow the marketing chain of absurdity here. Trix, a vaguely fruity breakfast cereal, has a mascot rabbit crazy about the product. "Extending the brand" brought us the wonder of Trix Yogurt: kids could actually like yogurt because it has so much sugar, color, flavoring and no connection to anything healthy that might make them run the other way.
Why the Trix Rabbit is holding up a colored yogurt cup eyeglasses, one of which has a symbolic yin-yang swirl on it, is just beyond any comprehension. I guess it makes people look at the package. But what is the Trix Rabbit actually seeing that makes him so damn happy?
This was a little vending machine at a very busy rest stop on the NJ Turnpike. They've gotta catch your eye so they crammed as much stuff into the clear front as possible:
Okay, we're into a meta-meta-meta-marketing.
I'm flabbergasted as to how this sells anything.
Wow...at least I was able to explain this to myself.
Results tagged “packaging”
Adult Pretzels
There really is nothing "adult" about these pretzels. In fact, I'm feeling mighty immature making fun of this. But I mean, c'mon! Nutzels and Rods??? Remind me to use this one when I present The Museum of Marketing Madness to high school boys.
Why Don't They Call It "TRIPS Yogurt?"
I can sort of follow the marketing chain of absurdity here. Trix, a vaguely fruity breakfast cereal, has a mascot rabbit crazy about the product. "Extending the brand" brought us the wonder of Trix Yogurt: kids could actually like yogurt because it has so much sugar, color, flavoring and no connection to anything healthy that might make them run the other way.
Why the Trix Rabbit is holding up a colored yogurt cup eyeglasses, one of which has a symbolic yin-yang swirl on it, is just beyond any comprehension. I guess it makes people look at the package. But what is the Trix Rabbit actually seeing that makes him so damn happy?
When You're A Pro, You Need Special Equipment
So Farberware comes out with a line of "Professional" equipment for serious cooks. Okay, but are professional cooks really messing with cans of tuna? C'mon.
But What IS This OTHER Juice
So Manufacturing says, "We can't guarantee we'll have that one kind of juice to mix with the White Cranberry Strawberry to reduce the tartness" Legal was called in and they said, "You have to say something about the juice that's in there." So Marketing said, "Well why don't we just say 'some other juice.' And that's how the "Another Juice" made it right on the front of the package.
Bling Can Be Really Cheap Too!
This was a little vending machine at a very busy rest stop on the NJ Turnpike. They've gotta catch your eye so they crammed as much stuff into the clear front as possible:- Photo of the kid practically cross-eyed with excitement over his gangsta-like oral fitting
- A real-live gangsta (drawing) showing those goldy whites
- The product name "BLING TEETH" all up in big bold CAPS.
- And just to make sure you know what the hell Bling Teeth really are, they stuck a sample in 3D of the real thing.
Deer Candy?
No JOHN Deere Candy! Oh that makes better sense.
It's simple. Kids love candy. Kids love tractors. Kids will love candy tractors!
That's like saying: Socrates is a man. Socrates loves candy. Socrates loves candy men!
It's simple. Kids love candy. Kids love tractors. Kids will love candy tractors!
That's like saying: Socrates is a man. Socrates loves candy. Socrates loves candy men!
Med School Candy?
Okay, we're into a meta-meta-meta-marketing. - "Operation" is a board game which lets kids make believe they're surgeons.
- These candies are called "Operation" and branded like the board game.
- The individual pieces of candy are like the little organs that the "doctor" has to remove during the "operation."
I'm flabbergasted as to how this sells anything.
- Will kids really into the board game going to want to eat the candy?
- Will kids really into the candy want to play the board game?
- Will any enhancement of the Operation board game "brand" enhance our health care system? (no way in hell, btw.)
- It says nothing
- It does nothing
- And sells nothing
Wow...at least I was able to explain this to myself.
Texas Toast - Imported From The 5 Boroughs
I think "Texas Toast" is like "Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese." Philadelphia has no historical connection to cream cheese. This is not "the toast that all Texans eat and love."
So going the extra mile here to slap "New York" on the Texas Toast box pushes the regional connection even further across the map.
To further obfuscate the insanity, please note the background behind "New York" is the colors of the Italian flag. Ay Caramba!
So going the extra mile here to slap "New York" on the Texas Toast box pushes the regional connection even further across the map.
To further obfuscate the insanity, please note the background behind "New York" is the colors of the Italian flag. Ay Caramba!
Cuckoo for Generic Stuff
Don't be fooled by cheap imitations! How can you tell the generic product from the chocolate cereal that makes a certain bird go cuckoo? Let's explore!
And finally...Cocoa Magic!?! Leave the magic to Lucky Charms baby. Here's it's the Puffs man, and we ain't talkin no Puff the Magic Dragon!
Similar chocolatey-goodness background, but the Brand has floating chocolate balls.
I want to see movement with my milk! Pour it on!!! Not just a little jostling of the bowl.
Nobody, but, NObody is as cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs as this bird. Whadya got here? A friggin magician mouse. Didn't I see this guy in the background of some Disney cartoon.
And finally...Cocoa Magic!?! Leave the magic to Lucky Charms baby. Here's it's the Puffs man, and we ain't talkin no Puff the Magic Dragon!
HelLOOOOO Pseudoscientific Ingredients!!
Now, first of all, Herbal Essences is a very early 70s brand from a time when herbal tea was considered about as exotic as Devandra Benhart. Of course, herbal essence later became a nickname for another herbal substance often smoked in bongs. But then, let's stick with this shampoo. 
So you got a brand that's "that 70s brand" and you need something hip, fun, maybe a little quirky. How about some wordplay, alliteration and a little science stuff too for kicks! Does it make ANY sense at all. I think not. What exactly do these 2 words mean? Think about it: "H E L L O H Y D R A T I O N ? ? ! !"
When Does A Mere Bite Become Mega?
The prefix "mega," which is Latin for incredibly, stupidly huge, gets a workout here being applied to something that simply can't be made mega. A "bite" is anything you can tear with your incisors and shove into the cavity of your mouth. That can't be mega no matter what level of competitive eater you are. What we have here is copy for copy's sake. "We can't just call it 'bite' ... what about 'giant' ... 'huge' ... uh, hey 'mega!'"
(N.B. I'll admit the photo doesn't do this poor cookie justice; this was one of those cookies that's the size of a pizza.)
(N.B. I'll admit the photo doesn't do this poor cookie justice; this was one of those cookies that's the size of a pizza.)
Just What The World Needs: Cloroxymoron
Got the wordplay in the headline? I'll explain. Clorox, AKA Branded Chlorine Bleach came out with a new line of products called "Green Works" that's healthy, green, biodegradable, natural, perfect, endorsed by The Sierra Club ... shit, TREES AND MUSKRATS are using this stuff to tidy up.
Alas, The Clorox Company (AKA, the company that still sells billions of gallons of a household cleaning fluid that can literally dissolve clothing) feels SO guilty about their flagship product, they had to redeem themselves. That's like the Colombian drug lord who gives to the nearby poor people for respect. Albeit, Colombian drug lords don't advertise how wonderful they are to the world.
Alas, The Clorox Company (AKA, the company that still sells billions of gallons of a household cleaning fluid that can literally dissolve clothing) feels SO guilty about their flagship product, they had to redeem themselves. That's like the Colombian drug lord who gives to the nearby poor people for respect. Albeit, Colombian drug lords don't advertise how wonderful they are to the world.
Cherry Coke - Nuclear Winter Edition
Coca Cola, which spends more on advertising and marketing than the combined economies of the U.K., France and Lithuania, should be able to crank out some pretty high-end graphics and labels, right? Well, this Cherry Coke label must've been really cheap.
You've got some cherries, okay and some sort of vague sky / skyline motif. But what the hell city is this? This looks like an abandoned industrial park after nuclear holocaust, complete with an unnatural purple sky...and while we're at it...giant cherries falling from above.
Lastly, an odd design on one building has a weird inkblot feeling...am I seeing a scarab? Was this in the Rohrschach tests? Is that a mandrill??
You've got some cherries, okay and some sort of vague sky / skyline motif. But what the hell city is this? This looks like an abandoned industrial park after nuclear holocaust, complete with an unnatural purple sky...and while we're at it...giant cherries falling from above.
Lastly, an odd design on one building has a weird inkblot feeling...am I seeing a scarab? Was this in the Rohrschach tests? Is that a mandrill??
It's A Door Decoration!!
We're kinda' into a meta-marketing thing here as this door decoration is sorta' advertising to the world, "It's A Girl!." But we really need to keep our focus on the manufacturer who is selling this excrement. So what do they put on the package to make it irresistible?
A couple of found-them-walking-around 'models' featuring a guy with the most stilted "Aww...look at her!" expression I've seen since "Rosemary's Baby." Then again, he is obviously looking at a pile of towels, so maybe he couldn't get into character.
A couple of found-them-walking-around 'models' featuring a guy with the most stilted "Aww...look at her!" expression I've seen since "Rosemary's Baby." Then again, he is obviously looking at a pile of towels, so maybe he couldn't get into character.
Is This Polar Bear Really That Happy?
This all looks pretty innocent if totally incongruous: cartoon polar bear on an ice floe with a scarf, chillin on a chaise lounge. All representing that the cold food stays cold, even when it's hot outside. Of course, there's nothing "natural" about that. This is a man-made thing this thermal food carrier.
Just as there's nothing natural about global warming which doesn't exactly leave this polar bear so happy on that ice floe.
Just as there's nothing natural about global warming which doesn't exactly leave this polar bear so happy on that ice floe.
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