From Madness Museum Fan, Doug Wiley Comedian (i think his last name is really "Wiley" though), comes this fine example of oxymoronic copy headlines.
There is a whole discussion of this on Facebook where Doug first posted this. The gist of the the discussion (minus biblical references) is that bacon is sold raw, like sushi. People don't eat bacon raw like sushi or they get trichinosis or tapeworms or something.
So they cook it. Themselves. Traditionally.
So the story goes, James T. Kracker finally got his M.D., opened a practice and nobody patients would see him because of his name, Doctor Kracker, just scared a lot of people off. So he did the next best thing. Started a cracker company.
Two things irritating me about this one.
1. I have a feeling in the Lindt chocolate factory, they have no time for some clown with a whisk and a copper pot; we're talking industrial vats of chocolate
2. And that question, "Do you dream in chocolate?" So what if I do? It might be nightmares.
Please see this Madness Museum entry for an all-too-similar approach to chocoholism.
Here's your entire day in a nutshell, or in bottles.
And wrap it all up with a splash of coconut water because, well, because it was next to the other stuff and it was on sale and you bought it.
You would think, steam being "mist" if you're going for that "Mister <feature/benefit>" method, this would be a perfect match for a Mister Mister ...
but alas, the '80s pop band Mr. Mister had that one taken already.
We could call her, uh, but nah...let's call her, Royal.
What better way to appeal to the little kiddies then come up with a playful animated character?!
So this lil' guy has the white gloves and three-fingers-and-a-thumb of standard issue cartoon characters...googly eyes, rubbery arms...lots of fun to be had with this fella, no doubt.
But what he's really saying is:
"HEY KIDS!! THIS CHEESE STUFF IS SO GOOD I WANT TO SMEAR IT ALL OVER MY CHEST!!!"
Another fun cartoon-y character to get the kids interested in the product. Same eyes, white glove hand, upbeat, happy faced fella. Gotta hand it to the designer, who had some fun with the Jewish star motif and managed to make it look like the guy has something of a beard. Could this be the first Cartoon Kosher Product Mascot?
They seem to have the right idea here and even used a top hat so as not to look like every Chasidic man in the world.
There's just one thing: where have I seen yellow Jewish stars before......??