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From ABC Carpet & Home, NYC online and instore:
To wit:
"ABC Home's mission is to serve by manifesting a retail paradigm shift in which we compose a revolutionary platform for offering cause related product through beauty, experience and magic, in order to guide you to creatively express your individuality, values and actualize your home as a sacred space."
WHAT?! Let us deconstruct.
"Our mission..." = Our excuse for making money...
"...is to serve by manifesting a retail paradigm shift in which we compose a revolutionary platform..." = ...is a store...
"...cause-related product..." = ...that sells junk...
"through beauty, experience and magic In order to guide you to" = ...that we make you want...
"...to creatively express your individuality, values and actualize your home as a sacred place..." = ...because your life is empty and you need things to make you feel whole.
Translated:
Our excuse for making money is a store that sells junk that we make you want because your life is empty and you need things to make you feel whole.
Results tagged “visual merchandising”
Our Mission? Remind you you're empty and you need to be whole.
From ABC Carpet & Home, NYC online and instore:
To wit:"ABC Home's mission is to serve by manifesting a retail paradigm shift in which we compose a revolutionary platform for offering cause related product through beauty, experience and magic, in order to guide you to creatively express your individuality, values and actualize your home as a sacred space."
WHAT?! Let us deconstruct.
"Our mission..." = Our excuse for making money...
"...is to serve by manifesting a retail paradigm shift in which we compose a revolutionary platform..." = ...is a store...
"...cause-related product..." = ...that sells junk...
"through beauty, experience and magic In order to guide you to" = ...that we make you want...
"...to creatively express your individuality, values and actualize your home as a sacred place..." = ...because your life is empty and you need things to make you feel whole.
Translated:
Our excuse for making money is a store that sells junk that we make you want because your life is empty and you need things to make you feel whole.
No Signal For Sale
Here in the elegant, ultramodern Time Warner Center we find a striking monitor with a curious message.
What could it be...???
What are you saying, oh great big blue screen???
What could it be...???
Remember When Snowballs Were Free?
Sure it looks cute, the little snowman with the sign and all that.
But does EVERYTHING have to have a price on it?! Even 5 cents....they're snowballs for Christ's sake!!
You call this a gift?
This comes to us from our friends at the USPS during that most wonderful time of year when marketing becomes even more idiotic than any other time: THE HOLIDAYS!
Last time I checked, when someone says "Here's a gift for you!"
They don't then say, "That'll be $8.95."
Last time I checked, when someone says "Here's a gift for you!"
They don't then say, "That'll be $8.95."
All Right. Who Took The Jingle?!!
As noted before, marketing around the holidays is the perfect time to mangle a metaphor and create cockamamie copy. Take "Jingle Bells." Let's trace the metaphor back to its source:
So the copywriter's dialogue might have gone a little like this:
"Jingle....what else can we do with Jingle? Jingle all the way, Jingle this. Jingle that. Hey! What if the jingle was taken OUT of the holidays?! What if someone could put the jingle BACK in the holidays?!?! But who took the jingle!?! I don't know! But we can say, we put it back! YEAH!!!"
- Christmas holiday represents birth of Christ, origins of Christianity
- Holiday traditions include gift-giving, parties and songs
- One of the popular songs, carols, includes "Jingle Bells"
- The noun "jingle" and the verb "to jingle" have become associated with the holidays
So the copywriter's dialogue might have gone a little like this:
"Jingle....what else can we do with Jingle? Jingle all the way, Jingle this. Jingle that. Hey! What if the jingle was taken OUT of the holidays?! What if someone could put the jingle BACK in the holidays?!?! But who took the jingle!?! I don't know! But we can say, we put it back! YEAH!!!"
Smile and Say "Glum"
This was on a shelf in an American Apparel store.
This being AMERICAN Apparel, they know full well that we all stopped smiling since the economy tanked. But this guy is especially glum. Glum can read cool. But that long hair isn't doing anything to counter that glum, lifeless expression...no way.
This being AMERICAN Apparel, they know full well that we all stopped smiling since the economy tanked. But this guy is especially glum. Glum can read cool. But that long hair isn't doing anything to counter that glum, lifeless expression...no way.
Back To School with Lunchmeat
If you look in the middle of this photo you'll see 2 red plastic rulers at an angle. I can only imagine this is part of some vague, poorly executed 'back to school' theme. Sure! Get your pens, pencils, notebooks and olive loaf and start the year off right!
How Many Copywriters Does It Take To Pick Out A Lightbulb?
Answer? As many as you can convince to client to pay for. Finally, after all these years of purchasing light bulbs and then flushing them down the toilet, throwing them in the dryer and running the lawnmower over them, they've got me all straightened out.
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