Confetti Is SO Not Fun

That’s why we have Funfetti®!!

Smeat This On A CakeStupid colored bits of paper! That’s not fun. That is trash.

This is trash

Give me something branded.
Give me something I can smear on a cake.
And give me something with a registered trademark!

Registered Funfetti

Screw the children!

What Is Sensational To A Bird…

… is not a source of food.

You’re a bird.
You found a source of food.
Is that really sensational or just another day being a bird?

Sensational Bird Life Big Whoop

Yes I was in a wild bird food store yesterday and these past 2 entries are from that store. Ya never know where you’ll find marketing madness I tell ya!

Show Me The Suet

When I go into a bird feed store, I expect, nay DEMAND, 5 (FIVE!) different kinds of hot pepper suet.

Hotcha chah chah

Not 4, not 3 … don’t even waste my time with 1 or 2.

 

Extra Copy Means Extra Madness

Expect the stretch to stretch your belief in copywriters

That “Expect The Stretch” is what I call “Stretch copy” (yeah I just made that up)

Creative Director doesn’t like the blank space and wants something else there, even if it adds no value or make any sense whatsoever. And the poor copywriter has to come up with some word play, some double entendre … ANYthing to fill that space.

And, Children, that is how Expect The Stretch wound up on the box for the Super Stretch Spider Web Halloween Packaging. Good night! Drive safely!

Inside This Tiny Mobile Banner Is A Story…

… except nobody knows WTF the story is about.

fall out of the roller coaster and be caught by the guy in the

 

 

I think the story is:
Don’t worry about falling out of the roller coaster that is the stock market because the guy much smaller than you in the cherry picker you will try to catch you.
And he has a hard hat on and a yellow vest so that will help when he tries to catch you.
I think.

Will The Stock Photographer On LSD Please Stop Shooting

Brain Gumball What The Fucking Fuck

No I mean it. In the nicest way, stop.

This raises a LOT of questions, including:

  1. What makes you think this connotes learning or intelligence.
  2. Where did you find small colored brains to fit into a gumball machine?
  3. Do you realize you are reducing brain power and knowledge to the simplicity of putting a quarter in a slot and turning a crank??
  4. After I put the coin in and turn the crank does this mean I can then use that brain or has it been severed from its original host and is now just a mass of neurons and with no awareness or functional capability??

I guess I should mention this was taken from my day job’s company’s website for internal training. That is why a lotta stuff is redacted. But you can see who is responsible for this mess. Yeah, those people!