Awful advertising, crazy campaigns and marketing madness … ripped to shreds for your enjoyment
Corporations want us to know they care. They want us to know SO badly, it’s mixed up with whatever the hell else they’re selling. The navigation on the Subway website (they make sandwiches, remember) smears the borders with a main nav item for “Responsibility”
(those arrows are mine)
When you need to collect more than just the boring demographics of Mr. or Mrs. … this is the dropdown for you!
The Advertising Will Make You Throw UpIt’s the comedy rule of threes. If you have 2 statements, you need that third to make it funny.
Restaurants Are BACK!! And what better way to emphasize that than to include links on your website like “Scratch Kitchen,” “Whole Homemade Desserts,” “40 Craft Beers,” and “Covid Mitigation”
…and why not further hook those hungry customers so when they click on “Covid Mitigation” they see more gustatory verbiage, like “Virus Vaporizing”
So the Big Box Bed Bath & Beyond isn’t really a store after Covid because retail is dead and we’re all stuck at home. How will they spin that and make us feel better?
Easy!
The Big Box Stores are now warehouses for our stuff. Happier?
…but if it shuts them up while we’re shopping, who cares?
Maybe they were saving money on modeling fees and just went to the local morgue?
For those following along, this is Part 2. For Part 1, go here
This was actual dialogue recorded from the photoshoot for the 2011 Spring/Summer Uline catalogue photoshoot:
Fred: “Find somethin’ heavy to put in front of the wood crates. This is goin’ on the cover.”
Phil: “Huh? Ahh…throw a cinder block in there!”
Fred: “Cinder block!? Find something nice!”
Phil: “Nice?! Who cares!! Just put anything there!”
Fred: “Hey what about this beaver!!”
Phil: “BEAVER?!”
Fred: “You said, ‘Anything!!'”
Wordplay is not a game and should only be done by professionals. This contractor may know his basements but hasn’t learned: you can’t create an adjective by adding a ‘y.’
NOTHING is ‘basementy’ so all things canNOT be basementy.
And, btw, dude. The umbrella. Not basementy in the least. Srsly?!
Everybody knows sales drop off the closer you get to the freight elevator.
The Manager had to find a place to shove the Deer Park water bottles they were pushing. Knowing this was not a good spot he asked one of the stock boys to make a simple sign, nothing fancy. Good signage is the mark of smart marketing.
And there it is.
And the stuff just flew off the shelves. Flew.