That’s why we have Funfetti®!!
Stupid colored bits of paper! That’s not fun. That is trash.
Category: food
SHHH!! They’ll Never Know We’re Not Whole Foods!
I wonder if the owner of this bodega on the Lower East Side was like:
“What the hell? If we get just a few more customers wandering in because they think we’re Whole Foods, it’ll be worth getting the name.”
And, that children, is how The Wholesome Foods Bodega got its name! Okay, everybody night night!!
Luckily Lady Gaga Oreos Remind Us Everything Is Just Fine!!
The world may be in terrible shape.
Covid has altered the globe.
The Middle East is a mess.
Our system of democracy is teetering.
But the Oreo Aisle (formerly the “Cookies and Crackers Aisle”) is a Reason To Celebrate.
And what better way to celebrate than Lady Gaga Oreos?
In case you were wondering what a Lady Gaga Oreo tastes like, there’s some subtle indications on the package.
Why of course! It’s inspired by … uh … is that a clump of pubic hair? What the hell is that saying. OH SURE! Gaga’s latest album or concert or cause or song or video or dress or cookie … Chromatica.
And what does Chromatica spelled with pubic hair taste like? Pink colored golden green creme stuff cookie thing crap. Say it with me now:
LADY GAG HURL!
Can’t Wait For Albanian Eels Next!
I can just hear the ideas bouncing around the JellyBelly conference room:
“We are getting killed … KILLED … by Swedish Fish!”
“Quick! Another animal. From another place.”
“Tallahasee Pigs?”
“Nah!”
“Siberian Buffalo?”
“What?!”
“Scottie Dogs”
“Now you’re talking!!”
And Children, THAT’S the true story of how Scottie Dogs came to be!!
If We Digitize It, They Will Buy
Using that mentality, someone over at the Salad Package Design Team came up with this, uh, system to help us, uh, EAT.
Gives new meaning to the expression: “My salad is off the charts!”
I Wonder If The Legal Department Questioned This
I think if a pet store tried to mess with “My anaconda don’t want none … ” they’d get in trouble.
This has the same feel of lawsuit-waiting-to-happen like this marketing madness from Argo Tea.
Comedy Rule Of Threes
The Advertising Will Make You Throw Up
It’s the comedy rule of threes. If you have 2 statements, you need that third to make it funny.
Enticing, Mouth-Watering Words For A Restaurant Website
Restaurants Are BACK!! And what better way to emphasize that than to include links on your website like “Scratch Kitchen,” “Whole Homemade Desserts,” “40 Craft Beers,” and “COVID MITIGATION”
…and why not further hook those hungry customers so when they click on “COVID MITIGATION” they see more gustatory verbiage, like “Virus Vaporizing”
Is This Generic Feelgood Copy On A Wall…
…or THE SOURCE OF ALL TRUTH!!??
Just Repeat, Repeat
From the Copywriting School of Repetition, another example of ridiculous repetition for the sake of repetition, repetition.
We see this so often, it seems normal. It’s not normal.
It’s not even normal, normal.
